most of the time i begin my day with a fresh perspective; a balanced, fair view; excitement, expectation.
most of the time i end it with all that intact, with pabaon to spare for the morrow.
but there are times when you just feel so let down. situations you can improve, but where people are involved is always a challenge. because you can't change 'em. you can't make them budge from their strongly held beliefs, even if you're pretty sure those're bollocks. its doubly hard to stay positive when they seem to be bent on negating you - your confidence, your skills, your opinion. your rights.

somewhere there they lose my respect and trust in them. what aches is that i feel like im the only one who gives a damn.

Diplomacy is the art of knowing what not to say, says Matthew Trump. Funny, i thought I had it perfect. Until today.

it's a trip of sorts, deleting my 6210 inbox to make way for new messages. it's like reviewing the past week (or month, depending on how i managed spending my hard-earned bucks on sms and calls).

it was indeed hard-earned this week. i tried being pretty cool last sunday. i knew i hadn't taken last week's dayoff resting as i should have, so i was to blame for being listless, lethargic, and scatterbrained.

my life rolled into the week - pensively, because i had to adjust to some (read: a lot) things at work. i did germany pages for 4 days, so it was exciting, exciting like going through the space shuttle ride at ek for the first time. scared, full of doubt, thrilled of the plunge and the rush, and then fullfilled, proud.
and then there were new people to deal with, to know, to guide, to teach.
there were also friends who had gone on, a change i made it my business to deal with too.

but wednesday was heaven, a synchronous moment. a/c breaks down and who comes to visit with mais con hielo, buko-pandan shake, and loads of moral support in tow? gari ü
i even got home before midnight. imagine that, what a treat!

ive forgotten all that by thursday, though, mostly beause it was my booboo day. and friday was too hectic that i had 12 unread messages on my phone by the time i had the luxury to check it.
and about those new guys? i've taken to mild-scolding one. don't worry, i don't think he got that either. *sigh*

im not the 'texter' kind. but certain things this week made me want to reach out to my abandonee-friends. to touch base and reassurance maybe, to feel sane to be sure.

pia had asked me through text what exactly did i get myself promoted to. i don't know.

judging from this week? to more headache, heartache, worry, frightening responsibilities, disappointment.

it's funny though, because saturday made everything, including myself, seem like they'd turn out better because of it.