O Children Deaths go breathe your breaths
Sobbing breasts'll ease your Deaths
Pain is gone, tears take the rest

~Allen Ginsberg, Father Death Blues

I somehow doubt, at the back of my mind, that the panic attacks I've been experiencing of late has anything to do with my Luprolex injections. True, hot flashes can occur during an attack, but that doesn't mean they're one and the same. Both though could be caused by hormones, I've read. Now that, that H word, an endometriosis sufferer can relate to. But that's digressing. The fact that I doubt means I'm admitting there could be an underlying cause. Maybe its psychological. They say a significant number of suicides have involved people with a panic disorder.That's no news, especially when you've felt what I've felt. I was answering one panic attack questionnaire off the Internet and it seems I've ticked all boxes describing my symptoms. I once confided to a friend that if it lasted as long as an hour, I'd have jumped from my office building.

Panic attacks
are sudden surges of overwhelming fear that that comes without warning and without any obvious reason. It is far more intense than having anxiety or the feeling of being 'stressed out' that most people experience.

I found a plate of Ramon Magsaysay stamps dating back 1957. Tried to research how much they could be worth over the Internet, but has had no such luck. Are you a philatelist? You might be able to help me out. Drop me a line!

You'll never know how icky it feels to eat sinigang na tissue until you try it, really. I was the unfortunate member of our party to experience the unpleasant when we tried to eat dinner at Sibil's branch in Subic Bay last Saturday night. Try out their fresh mango shake too. Mmm, tastes just like real canned mangoes! :9
Otherwise it was a great last trip with the family before I formally enter the workforce again. It's my first day on the job on Wednesday! Here's to the next chapter of the Elice Adventures.

Coding. Fourth time to happen on a Friday. I was flagged thrice before, because I went ahead and drove to work anwyay, but somehow my press ID did all the talking for me. Today was going to be different though, as my route will take me through the main EDSA thoroughfare. Didn't want to risk it, so I drove back unaccomplished, hungry, and feeling stupid. Argh. The sheer self-knowledge that I am absentminded is enough of a punishment I think, so enough already.

Hungry hippo!
I'm waiting for the LPG delivery guy to arrive, and I can't leave until he does. I have to do the groceries. Wanted to cook something special for bradinch. I guess it'll have to wait a little longer.
I miss Chelsea, my kid brother's 2-year-old Belgian Malinois. Took her for a bath for the first time this weekend. Pretty as you please, that one. She reveled in the attention. Maharot, when she's in her playful self. I have the scars to prove it. It's like attempting to play with a baby tiger. Very dangerous. I know she knows me, but sometimes I can't help but look at her askance.
Researchers say you should watch the tail. When it goes to the right, you're on friendly ground. Beware when it wags to the left!

Flat on my back
Soak up the sun
Counting from zero up to one
And I like it, I like it.
~Avion

March is Endometriosis Awareness Month!

I have decided to take a GnRH analogue, months after being diagnosed with endometriosis. Never mind the cost. Googling Luprolex helped - with accepting the sacrifices that I should make as well as with knowing that there are indeed others, Filipinas too, out there and that I'm not alone. I'm supposed to take it for 6 months, but my ob-gyn said we'd know for sure if it was helping in three months' time.

In all my research, I've always thought that the symptom I haven't had much luck identifying with is heavy bleeding. It just struck me now, when I noticed a Google Ad from one of the related sites, that there was one such episode. The incident happened at work, with my boss giving me the notice of all people. Very embarrassing, no wonder I put out the thought from my conscious mind.

It's probably too early to tell if I'm going to suffer side effects (read: menopause symptoms) from the drug. So far, so good.